Have you ever seen a fitness guru you just wanted to take a swing at? For shame, punching a fitness guru out lacks style. Here is a list of fitness gurus we all would like to punch out and punishments that bring about justice with a certain degree of style.
1. Chuck Norris
Okay, so we are not likely to be able to punish Chuck Norris with physical violence. He is after all, Chuck Norris. The best way to punish Mister Norris would to make him do the commercials with Chris Tucker as Ruby Rod. Maybe Chuck will stop selling the Total Gym, and we will never have to see Chris Tucker in another film again.
2. Doctor Phil
How is a man with an economics degree qualified to be a therapist and a weight loss expert? Doctor Phil’s punishment should consist of having him spend three years appearing as a guest on talk shows with experts in his actual topic challenging his advice and pointing out the errors that Dr. Phil made in his attempts at counseling.
3. Richard Simmons
Who doesn’t find Richard Simmons annoying? Having Richard Simmons square off against an ultimate fighter has a certain appeal. Managing his career as a midget wrestler is a suggestion that would mostly likely get the author fired.
He also quit wearing huge pants when his quit his job as a clown
4. Jared
Subway bares the responsibility for this one. Rather than punishing Jared, it would be more appropriate to force fee the Subway add executives responsible until they are the spokesperson’s weight. Then the Subway advertising executives should try the Jared diet.
5. The Biggest Loser Hosts
Reality television never should have reached its current height. If the hosts of the Biggest Loser who thinks that they are helping people rather than collecting a paycheck needs to consider their motives. Ideally, the hosts should be forced to degrade themselves on every other reality television show and then used in a Cecille B. Demille style stunt.
6. The Slap Chop and Sham Wow Celebrity
This person may not be a fitness guru, but what exactly does making America skinny again one slap at a time mean? This poor imitation of the late Billie Mays needs to be slapped around until he becomes sensible. The claims he makes about the Sham Wow can be tested if the person doing the slapping the slap chop spokesman around draws blood.
7. Jack Lalane
The author does not know if Jack Lalane is among the living or the real person, but his fitness centers leave much to be desired. The person who owns the company should be forced to spend at least twelve hours a day in a broke down shower room in a rundown YMCA underneath a rusty shower running cold water.
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What about that little blonde guy with the pony tail! He’s definitely on the list. He would have to cut his hair.